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Statement of Being
Information on How We Work
Plurality and relationships, oh what a
thorny issue (with thanks to Dj of Jones Household for the topic)
This is written from the perspective of a group with multiple fronters,
who all front regularly, and many of whom have the capacity for
In a group, there can be many people of different beliefs and
persuasions, so it stands to reason that there could be people within
systems who are polyamorous, and those who are monogamous. In an ideal
world, those who wanted partners would be able to find them, of
whatever persuasion they wish, but sadly, when the group of people
share a body, this becomes a lot more complicated.
It is a lot to ask of a singlet with no prior experience of
multiplicity to be in a relataionship with one person in the group,
whilst others in the group are with other people. In essence the
singlet is watching their partner be with many other people. This
becomes more complicated when the member of the group is only
interested in a monogamous relationship, as then the singlet is
essentially being told "you can only be in a relationship with me,
nobody else, whereas my headmates will be with other people, but it
won't be me".
In an ideal world, this would be easy to accept, but here and now, it
isn't, and being multiple is far enough from the norm that people find
the concept hard to grasp. Polyamorous relationships are a lot easier
for systems to manage, because then each person is free to find their
own partner, and said partner can be anyone they choose, and can accept
the relationships far better than would be the case in a regular
monogamous relationship. This is not to say that polygamy is irregular,
but that there are two factors in favour of it as a method of choice
for multiple groups; 1) People who prefer polygamous relationships can
better handle the idea of the body having sex with other people, and
not being as possessive of partners; 2) The polygamous scene, like the
multiple scene, is relatively underground, and as a result they may
both have combined before, leaving the poly person more willing and
able to accept multiplicity, and if that has not happened, they might
still be more willing, as the scenes are equally underground.
However, if we are to accept that it is perfectly possible and
acceptable to be a normal multiple group, vanilla, not mentally ill,
not into swinging or polyamory, then we have to accept that monogamy as
a group might be forced, and that there might be a case where the
multiple was compromised, in having to choose one partner as a group,
as opposed to the singlet, in having to accept many.
It is difficult to know what to do, but every course of action demands
that the multiple be "out", and a multiple group coming out, then
handling the issue of relationships with sensitivity and maturity can
only be a good thing for plural systems as a whole.
Take that as heartening advice if you get dumped for "cheating", and
keep trying, it will work eventually.
2008 - Pagmies Collective You are free to use and edit the text from
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