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Pagmies - "I, for my part, would rather be made from the dust of an alien world than the ether of anyone's heaven" - Shiu Wei, Amorpha

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Plurality and relationships, oh what a thorny issue (with thanks to Dj of Jones Household for the topic)

This is written from the perspective of a group with multiple fronters, who all front regularly, and many of whom have the capacity for relationships.

In a group, there can be many people of different beliefs and persuasions, so it stands to reason that there could be people within systems who are polyamorous, and those who are monogamous. In an ideal world, those who wanted partners would be able to find them, of whatever persuasion they wish, but sadly, when the group of people share a body, this becomes a lot more complicated.
It is a lot to ask of a singlet with no prior experience of multiplicity to be in a relataionship with one person in the group, whilst others in the group are with other people. In essence the singlet is watching their partner be with many other people. This becomes more complicated when the member of the group is only interested in a monogamous relationship, as then the singlet is essentially being told "you can only be in a relationship with me, nobody else, whereas my headmates will be with other people, but it won't be me".
In an ideal world, this would be easy to accept, but here and now, it isn't, and being multiple is far enough from the norm that people find the concept hard to grasp. Polyamorous relationships are a lot easier for systems to manage, because then each person is free to find their own partner, and said partner can be anyone they choose, and can accept the relationships far better than would be the case in a regular monogamous relationship. This is not to say that polygamy is irregular, but that there are two factors in favour of it as a method of choice for multiple groups; 1) People who prefer polygamous relationships can better handle the idea of the body having sex with other people, and not being as possessive of partners; 2) The polygamous scene, like the multiple scene, is relatively underground, and as a result they may both have combined before, leaving the poly person more willing and able to accept multiplicity, and if that has not happened, they might still be more willing, as the scenes are equally underground.
However, if we are to accept that it is perfectly possible and acceptable to be a normal multiple group, vanilla, not mentally ill, not into swinging or polyamory, then we have to accept that monogamy as a group might be forced, and that there might be a case where the multiple was compromised, in having to choose one partner as a group, as opposed to the singlet, in having to accept many.
It is difficult to know what to do, but every course of action demands that the multiple be "out", and a multiple group coming out, then handling the issue of relationships with sensitivity and maturity can only be a good thing for plural systems as a whole.
Take that as heartening advice if you get dumped for "cheating", and keep trying, it will work eventually.

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